The Resistance Was the Message — Why I Burned Out on Content and Started Creating From Joy Instead of Lack

I've been quiet lately. Not because I ran out of ideas ,I have a backlog of those. I've been quiet because every time I sat down to create, I hit a wall of resistance I couldn't explain. And instead of pushing through it like I usually do, I finally got curious about it.

Here's what I found underneath.

I started creating from necessity, and never stopped

When I first started making content, it came out of need. I was thrifting because I wanted clothes I couldn't afford to buy new, and the content grew out of that. Sure, they were 1 clip Outfit Of the Day videos and event recaps, but it was always about making something from not-enough. Which means from the very beginning, creating was tied to lack. Was there love attached to it? Absolutely. I’ve always loved taking pictures and I’ve always loved getting dressed. I loved getting free stuff , attending events, and meeting new people. But it wasn’t enough motivation anymore.

And I noticed a pattern: I get most serious about content when I have more time than money. The drive to create has almost always come from a place of need, not a place of overflow. I've never really made things from abundance. Only from necessity.

That's not a small thing to realize about yourself.

I've been chasing content instead of making it

Somewhere along the way I lost the plot: I am the content and the content is about me.

Life went from going places became going places to film. I'd show up somewhere not because I wanted to be there, but because it would make good content. And the more that happened, the more everywhere I went came with this low-grade pressure to capture it. It lead to me overcommitting, canceling last minute, or coming and not being fully present. That's content brain. The constant overload of:

"this could be a post" .
“I can use this to pitch to X”
“This would go viral on IG”

It turned my life into a content farm, and I began dreading making content . Exhausted wasn’t the work, and content brain doesn't know how to rest. I want to be somewhere because I want to be there, and let the content be a byproduct, not the reason.

I'm not a *** promoter, I'm the story

I absolutely love a grand opening and a media night/vip preview. If its exclusive and cute and has food/drinks and adequate parking that isn’t more than 10 dollars im in the building! But after a while, I started saying yes to all various types of events, and I started feeling like that is all that I talked about on my page. And most importantly local businesses generally have a MUCH smaller micro creator budget, so I was really only going to these places for a comp entry/experience. None of this is the issue. The issue is that I was creating as.a content creator, and not as an influencer. (I am the content!) I love supporting the community and I will always work with local businesses to get them amazing content, but just as it pertains to me. Unless they contract me to create from a certain angle. Then we can talk.

The lane I actually care about, the one where you really connect with people , asks for vulnerability. And I think I've been avoiding that, because being the story is harder than being the billboard. And it comes with reframing how I even view content when Im recording it, because I have been recording from multiple angles (UGC/content creator/influencer) for years. Deprogramming and decentering. I wasn't put here to just promote other people's stuff. I talk about things I love, I'll always do that. But I am the content. Not the products. Me.

I live in planning mode and never reach create mode

High Functioning AHDD baddies stand up! Because I'm trying to hold so many things at once, and because I technically can do it all, I've been doing it all. And it's wearing me thin. I'm constantly planning, organizing, optimizing, and almost never actually making. Perfectionism wearing a productivity costume. And then I will have the audacity to feel extremely accomplished after a 4 hour planning session that I end up not even working on the content. There's always a reason it's not the right moment. And there's always, always a pile of laundry. The planning never ends, so the creating never starts.

So here's what I'm decentering

The resistance wasn't a sign to quit. It was information. It was my own self telling me the way I'd been creating had run its course.

So I'm recentering. I'm decentering the content brain, the chasing, the promoter role I never wanted, the planning paralysis, and most of all, creating from lack. I'm going to make what I'm actually drawn to. Slower. More me. From overflow instead of need.

I don't have it all figured out. But I'd rather move before I have full control than wait for a certainty that's never coming.

If you've felt this too the quiet, the resistance, the boredom with your own output, you're not broken and you're not behind. Sometimes the block is the message.

What are you decentering right now?